I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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