Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
