so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
