just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
