I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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