I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This house was built for laser tag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
