OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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