Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
