At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
