Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
