is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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