Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
