So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
