I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
