peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
