i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
