ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
