you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
