Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
