He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
