I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
