You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
