I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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