I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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