guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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