Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
