This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
