I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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