I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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