I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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