I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
