Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit