just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.