I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.