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• (805): View more from California

  When do i get to see u next week?

  (1-805): View more from California

  When I teabag your entire family

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• (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (916): View more from California

  Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  "Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE

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