I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.