Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
