How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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