He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
