How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
