There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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