Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me i tasted like america
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize