I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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