I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
