i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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