I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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