Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
