FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
