don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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