I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I believe in your delicious
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
