I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
