he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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