On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
