Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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