It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
