The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
