Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
