This is not my ceiling
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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