I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
did i walk over a car last night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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