you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
its liver damage thursday
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
