I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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