I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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