I CAN MOONWALK!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
