You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I could make wine with my vomit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You ruined the universe
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
