Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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