I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
