Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
