I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
