eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
