Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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