She said her name was "party"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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