i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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