He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
