he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
