giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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