does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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