I wanna passion pit in your ass
there was a trapeze. enough said
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
