i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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