oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
