At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
