I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
