did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
