So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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